Assertiveness

Being assertive is good. It allows you to get your point across in a way that

is better remembered by the other party because of the intensity of the

emotion that is associated with it. However, assertiveness can also be a

pitfall when overdone. While it can seal deals, it also has the power to

destroy relationships and potential business opportunities. How, then, can

you assert yourself without being too pushy or annoying?

Here are some tips you might want to keep in mind the next time you try to

calmly convince someone to see your side of the story.

Don’t Bulldoze Your Listener

What is bulldozing? In sales, it is referred to as the act of drowning the

prospective clients in figures and facts in order to confuse them to eventual

submission. Keep in mind that the only way the other party will accept your

idea is when they have decided that they want it. People who have given in

to your bulldozing will do so only at first, but will eventually try to get out of

the situation, be it after a few minutes or after a few days. You must be able

to know how to read body language in order to decipher if a certain action is

appropriate for the situation.

Nevertheless, if you want to be an effective and truly successful persuader,

you want others to willingly agree with you, not because you almost forced

them unwillingly to do something or left them with no other choice. If you

are at a debate, this is fine. You are trained to tear the other person’s

statements apart. However, in a normal conversation, this is a major blunder.

“A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still,” as the saying

goes. This means that while you may have succeeded in getting others

person to give their agreement forcibly, they will still maintain their original

ideas. If you try to make them cooperate with you thereafter, expect that it

is going to be difficult.

What should you do then? Try to make your idea attractive to the other

party so that they would be more willing to submit to it. You can do so by

first acknowledging the merits of their points and then outlining your merits.

Do not make a comparison that is based on just the negative aspects. You

will appear to be discrediting the other person; this is not good.

Be Patient And Try To Avoid Clashes

The professional persuader is never overeager; he always moves steadily

and carefully towards his goal, and avoids getting into situations that would

result in idea collisions. He is sensitive enough to watch out for emotional or

psychological taboos and avoids them at all costs.

How can you do this? First, do not take sides. Try to be open to all ideas that

are placed on the table and consider each one’s merits meticulously before

you move on to pursuing your selection. Actually, you don’t really need to

focus on one concept alone. When you study everything that’s suggested,

you will find that you can make appropriate changes and combine all their

positive aspects to arrive at something that is agreeable to everyone

involved.

The key to being effectively assertive is to keep an open mind. If you simply

stick to what is in your head and work endlessly at seeing it through in

100% state to the end, do not expect to enjoy the ride. You will lose

friendships, you will lose confidence, and you will lose the drive, eventually.

Assertiveness is good when used the right way, which is the professional and

balanced way. If you try to use your assertive skills to force people to your

side, there is no way you will truly succeed.



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