Assertiveness

The process of using interpersonal therapy to treat panic disorders is one of learning how to interact with and relate to other people in a situation that makes you comfortable. Most people with social panic disorders have issues regarding their self-image and individuality. Most often these manifest as a tendency to avoid confrontations and play a submissive role, even when it make them unhappy to do so. The “nice guy” who always does anything his social group asks of him as a “favor” is a classic example of this behavior. Even if he really doesn’t want to run the errand, he is afraid of being rejected and begins to panic just thinking about it, and so does what was asked of him.
The practice of interpersonal therapy to treat panic disorders is common nowadays. The most important thing is to teach the person to be more assertive and express their true needs and feelings in a comfortable way. Always being submissive to others wants can easily lead to a loss of self-esteem and depression as you see your own worth and needs as being less than those around you.
There are ways to be assertive without being aggressive, fortunately. Learning to be assertive means learning to place your own needs above those of others. It means learning to say “No” without having a panic attack. Aggressive behavior tends to result from a lack of assertiveness, which causes the aggressive person to lash out at those around them. But most of the time, people who aren’t assertive simply let everyone around them have their way, regardless of their own feelings on what they want.
When going into interpersonal therapy to treat panic disorders, a lot of time is spent discovering how to express oneself verbally. You must learn to choose words that do not attack, manipulate, or belittle the other person. Part of the process is learning to tell people when you don’t want to do something. It is also necessary to learn when it is appropriate to assert your wants over others wants, how and when to say no, and generally just learning to communicate more effectively overall.
Another important part of interpersonal therapy is the time spent learning how to use neutral body language to maintain your non-submissive status without using aggressive body language. For instance, looking the other person in the eye when telling them something can mean the difference between being submissive and not submissive. You will be amazed at how much different your use of body language can make both you and others feel about you.
Most panic attacks are caused by panic disorders, which are in turn caused by ongoing anxiety. If you are the type of person that always gives in, is always submissive, then you are probably living in a state of constant anxiety that you will be asked to do something you really don’t want to do. This can easily lead to simply isolating oneself from the group, in an attempt to avoid those situations. This is not good for you, and can lead to depression in addition to the panic and anxiety disorders.
The most important thing you can learn by going through interpersonal therapy to treat your panic disorder is simply that you have the right to your own feelings. No person can force you to do something that you don’t want to. If you think that this article describes you, visit your doctor for a referral to an interpersonal therapist. You will never regret it.

What are you? A leader or a follower?We can all become leaders and also followers. Both are important but the leader sets the good example for his/her followers. A good leader has a good follower.If you think you are not a good leader, maybe you should have a self-improvement seminar.Self-improvement seminar for leaders is training them to be good to the followers.There are a variety of self-improvement seminar for you. But leadership training seminar is the best for you. In order to be a great leader, one must possess various qualities that will attract followers. The following qualities are just of few of the many qualities that are vital for effective leadership:1. Charisma- charismatic leaders have the gift to touch people through their choice of words. Charismatic leaders are alluring, charming and can encourage followers to support a grand vision or idea. 2. Positive Attitude – A leader who has a positive attitude will influence his/her followers to carry that same attitude. A good example of a leader with a positive attitude could be a parent or teacher. Mothers, fathers, or elementary teachers appear and are viewed as role models to the young children they are teaching and nurturing. These role models are the first leaders they encounter in life. Children become very dependent of leaders because they are their vehicles to the outside world and provide much needed help and assistance. If a parent is nurturing and loving to their child, they will thrive under this encouragement. If a school teacher provides a positive learning experience to the child, they will succeed and that success will become contagious… In any circumstance, a leader’s positive attitude will have greater impact and influence on their followers. 3. Motivation – In an athletic world, a motivating leader could be a coach, trainer or even a fellow teammate. While the talent of players is a good determinant of a winning team, their coach is also an important factor. If a coach can not produce a winning team, his job is at stake. A coach’s motivation involves infusing his players with high standards, and setting challenging but attainable goals as they perform well. Thus, his/her ability to motivate his players will enhance their performances.Motivation also correlates with having a positive attitude. When a coach has a positive attitude and provides a positive environment for his players, then the team will most likely be motivated to move in his/her direction where ultimate success can be found. 4. Assertiveness – A leader has the responsibility to guide the direction of his or her company. When a leader is firm and assertive in delegating tasks to his subordinates, they will hold a greater respect to follow through on their assignments. An assertive leader has the ability to convey enforcement without being too autocratic or threatening to their subordinates. Furthermore, an assertive leader should not make his subordinates feel like they’re in a hostile environment. Instead, an assertive leader should respect his people, and require proper accountability at the same time. A leader’s assertiveness and confidence earns respect. With that respect, people are much more likely to follow, help, and emulate their leader to achieve success. Self-improvement is important for leaders. Attending self-improvement seminars may be a good help in being a good leader.

WHY DO WE GET SO ANGRY?

Anger is a strong emotional state which is the result of some other emotion such as frustration, disgust, shame or outrage and can range from a mild case of irritation to a full blown rage. Anger is a natural emotion and in its own right is not a threat, however it is our behavioural response to anger that could cause problems.

Anger does have a physical effect on the body which can result in the person reacting to something quite unthreatening in an aggressive, over the top way due to the adrenalin released into the blood stream. However we are responsible for how we manage our anger and cannot, as many individuals do, blame an event or individual for their weakness in failing to control their angry outbursts. We have to accept responsibility for our actions and if we change our anger response to a more positive assertive one, it can help us long term in our overall health, wellbeing and our approach to life.

Anger can be a very empowering force if dealt with in a positive and assertive way. It is our body’s way of telling us that someone or something has upset us and that we need to deal with whatever it is that has caused this distress. In short anger lets us know if we have been threatened in any way and acts as a warning to us.

For example, if you were treated disrespectfully by a colleague at work you may ignore the situation, causing stress later on or you could overreact and become aggressive, neither scenario being helpful to anyone. However by explaining assertively how their treatment upsets you and causes a strain on your working relationship you are dealing with your anger in a healthy and responsible way which is more likely to result in a positive outcome for both you and your colleague. Dealing with anger positively, rather than ignoring it can prevent depression and lead to a more successful and happier life.

In addition, anger’s natural response can help us cope with real threats. It is the core component of survival in humans and animals. Anger helps us cope with adversities in our life by giving us increased energy levels which help us to persist in overcoming problems in our lives.

For example if a colleague becomes abusive at work our automatic physiological response enables us to deal with the situation in a clearly as our mind and body becomes more alert and ready for action. However it is important to realise that we need to react in an assertive manner to bring some calm into the situation. Responding in an abusive manner will only inflame the situation more, making it less likely to reach a satisfactory conclusion. Furthermore by responding in a negative way you are condoning your colleague’s behaviour (lead by example) increasing the likelihood of them repeating their behaviour.

So what makes us angry or affects our anger response to a situation or individual? Well there are three variables which affect our response to an anger stimulus, from being mildly irritated by the slow driver in front or suffering ‘road rage’ in exactly the same situation.

The first variable is the cause of the actual hurt or frustration i.e. did someone unintentionally pull out in front of your car or did they ‘butt’ in causing you to slam your brakes on and then gesture offensively to you too? Of course you may have been irritated by the first incident or actually quite angry however the second incident would really test anyone’s level of patience and forgiveness.

The second variable is the level or extent of the frustration. You are informed that a colleague at work has informed your manager that you were late this morning and understandably you will be annoyed. However if you found out that they did it unintentionally you are far less likely to get upset about it as opposed to finding out they intentionally went behind your back to inform your manager. The incident itself has caused you upset but the ‘intent’ may cause you more upset.

The last variable is the actual probability of the stimuli happening. For example one expects excellent and efficient service here in a developed county and if the service we receive is less than perfect we feel quite within our rights to complain! However citizens in a developing country are less likely to complain at the likelihood of the service being anything near satisfactory as to them that is the ‘norm’.

However no matter what or who has caused our anger we need to accept responsibility for our response to it.  We all get angry – that’s normal but how we respond to it is in our hands and no one else’s. The more we respond to a situation that has made us angry in a calm and assertive manner, the more we are conditioning our behaviour to respond in a positive way. With persistence and over time, we can change a negative anger response to a more assertive one which then becomes a habit. After all we will only accomplish more by approaching any situation in a calm and cooperative manner and it is only fools who blame others for their relentless anger outbursts.

There are five basic strategies to improve:

• Enhance self-worth and self-respect.

• Develop a realistic view of other people’s approval.

• Develop assertiveness skills.

• Recognize and let go of codependency.

• Overcome social avoidance (social phobia), if applicable.

ENHANCE SELF-WORTH AND SELF-RESPECT

Briefly, self-esteem is about how you relate to yourself. Do you like, respect, trust, and believe in yourself? When you like yourself, you can live comfortably with both your personal strengths and weaknesses without undue self-criticism. You also acknowledge and take care of your own personal needs.

When you respect yourself, you recognize your own dignity and value as a unique human being. You stand up for your basic rights. You ask for what you want and you can say “no” to what you don´t want. Self-trust means you trust your body, feelings, and behavior. You feel consistent within yourself no matter what changes and challenges may occur in your outer environment.

To believe in yourself means you feel you deserve to have the good things in life. You have goals toward which you´re working and a personal sense of accomplishment about what you’ve done with your life.

DEVELOP A REALISTIC VIEW OF OTHER PEOPLE’S APPROVAL

When people don´t express approval toward you or when they act rude or critical; how do you receive it? Do you tend to take it personally to see it as further evidence of your own ineptness and lack or worth?

Below are some common attitudes characteristic of people who place excessive emphasis on always being liked. These might be called “people-pleasing” attitudes. Following each is an alternative view which represents, in most cases, a more realistic outlook.

People-pleasing Attitude: “If someone isn´t friendly to me, it´s because there must be something wrong with me.”

Alternative View: “People may be unable to express warmth or acceptance toward me for reasons having nothing to do with me. For example, their own problems, frustrations, or fatigue may get in the way of their being friendly and accepting.”

People-pleasing Attitude: “Others’ criticism only serves to underscore the fact that I really am unworthy.”

Alternative View: “People who find fault with me may be projecting their own faults, which they can´t admit to having, onto me. It´s a human tendency to project unconscious flaws onto others.”

People-pleasing Attitude: “I think I´m a nice person. Shouldn´t everyone like me?”

Alternative View: “There will always be some people who just won´t like me, no matter what I do. The process by which people are attracted to or repelled by others is often irrational.”

People-pleasing Attitude: “Others’ approval and acceptance of me is essential.”

Alternative View: “It´s not necessary to receive the approval of everyone I meet in order to live a happy and meaningful life, especially if I believe in and respect myself.”

The next time you feel put off or rejected, take a moment to calm down and think about whether the person acting negatively is reacting to something you did, or if he or she might simply be upset about something that has little or nothing to do with you.

Ask yourself whether you might be taking the other person´s inconsiderate remarks or behavior too personally.

DEVELOP ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS

Developing assertiveness begins with an awareness of your own needs knowing what it is you want. Then you need to learn that it´s okay to meet your needs without feeling selfish or fearing disapproval.

You become assertive, finally, when you know you have the right to ask for what you want. You are conscious of your basic rights as a human being and you are willing to exercise those rights.

To act assertively includes two things: you must be willing to ask for what you want and be willing to say “no” to what you do not want. The importance of learning to be assertive can best be appreciated when you consider the consequences of being unassertive, namely:

• People don´t know what you want, so they may be indifferent to your needs or impose their own agenda.

• People take advantage of you, particularly when you can´t set limits or say “no”.

• You suffer stress from having your own needs going unmet.

• You end up resenting the people you want to love, because they aren´t responsive to your unstated needs.

LET GO OF CODEPENDENCY

“Codependent” behavior involves accommodating to others at the expense of your own needs and preferences. Your sense of self-worth depends on taking care of, pleasing, and sometimes trying to “save” or “reform” someone else or many others.

• Recovering from codependency essentially involves learning to love and take care of yourself. It means giving at least equal time to your own needs alongside those of others. It means setting limits on how much you will do or tolerate, and learning to say “no” when appropriate.

In my blog, please click on the link below, I discuss in a series of 6 articles the personality issues on anxiety. Each article begins with a list of five questions to help you assess whether the particular trait applies to you. The remainder of the section describes the characteristic in more detail and then suggests strategies to help you overcome it.

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What are you? A leader or a follower?We can all become leaders and also followers. Both are important but the leader sets the good example for his/her followers. A good leader has a good follower.If you think you are not a good leader, maybe you should have a self-improvement seminar.Self-improvement seminar for leaders is training them to be good to the followers.There are a variety of self-improvement seminar for you. But leadership training seminar is the best for you. In order to be a great leader, one must possess various qualities that will attract followers. The following qualities are just of few of the many qualities that are vital for effective leadership:1. Charisma- charismatic leaders have the gift to touch people through their choice of words. Charismatic leaders are alluring, charming and can encourage followers to support a grand vision or idea. 2. Positive Attitude – A leader who has a positive attitude will influence his/her followers to carry that same attitude. A good example of a leader with a positive attitude could be a parent or teacher. Mothers, fathers, or elementary teachers appear and are viewed as role models to the young children they are teaching and nurturing. These role models are the first leaders they encounter in life. Children become very dependent of leaders because they are their vehicles to the outside world and provide much needed help and assistance. If a parent is nurturing and loving to their child, they will thrive under this encouragement. If a school teacher provides a positive learning experience to the child, they will succeed and that success will become contagious… In any circumstance, a leader’s positive attitude will have greater impact and influence on their followers. 3. Motivation – In an athletic world, a motivating leader could be a coach, trainer or even a fellow teammate. While the talent of players is a good determinant of a winning team, their coach is also an important factor. If a coach can not produce a winning team, his job is at stake. A coach’s motivation involves infusing his players with high standards, and setting challenging but attainable goals as they perform well. Thus, his/her ability to motivate his players will enhance their performances.Motivation also correlates with having a positive attitude. When a coach has a positive attitude and provides a positive environment for his players, then the team will most likely be motivated to move in his/her direction where ultimate success can be found. 4. Assertiveness – A leader has the responsibility to guide the direction of his or her company. When a leader is firm and assertive in delegating tasks to his subordinates, they will hold a greater respect to follow through on their assignments. An assertive leader has the ability to convey enforcement without being too autocratic or threatening to their subordinates. Furthermore, an assertive leader should not make his subordinates feel like they’re in a hostile environment. Instead, an assertive leader should respect his people, and require proper accountability at the same time. A leader’s assertiveness and confidence earns respect. With that respect, people are much more likely to follow, help, and emulate their leader to achieve success. Self-improvement is important for leaders. Attending self-improvement seminars may be a good help in being a good leader.

The Assertive approach…

It’s a fact the assertive approach is perhaps the one that the general public are nearly convinced to try right off the bat.

When you’re thinking about the way to get your ex to come back, probabilities are superb that you have had thoughts of bursting into their home and either disagreeing with them or pleading with them to come back to you.

This is the assertive approach in your brain, but it is not precisely the aggressive approach that will work. You’re going to require to act assured around them at all times and make it seem like you can take them or leave them. Be nice and polite, but also ensure that they’re well privy to the fact that you are chatting to them because they’re there, not as you are hung up on them. If executed properly, the assertive approach can bring a lot back for you, but it could also backfire massively if you go too far.

Conservative Approach…

This one has the lowest chance of success, but it also has the lowest chance of backfiring. That implies with the conservative approach, you have an excellent chance at remaining mates for life with your ex even if you aren’t getting them back.

If that’s something that’s of significant secondary significance to you, this is a strategy you may want to try out rather than the aggressive approach.

If you see them at parties you see them at parties. When you do talk to them, you must be truthful about your affections, but not to the point where you scare them away. It’ll at last place the ball in their court and that in the final analysis is why it’s the most successful ; if you mix getting them back and keeping them as a mate has 2 successful outcomes.

The Middle Of The Road Approach…

As should be apparent, learning the way to get your ex to come back does have a middle of the road option. In this option, you start conservatively to give your ex time to get over the feelings that compelled them to get rid of you. When they have dulled those feelings and began to equalize them with the feelings that made them need you, ramping your technique up to become more assertive is what you must do over a period.

If you blow this approach though , you can lose them as a buddy altogether just like with the assertive approach.