Filed under: Articles — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — @ 6:16 am December 10, 2009
assertiveness



No matter what type of business we are involved in, our success is in part determined by how well we deal with people. We need to present ourselves as confident, decisive and assertive.

LET’S NOT OVERDO IT

Sometimes, however, our efforts to show our assertiveness cross the line. We end up coming across as rude, aggressive or downright belligerent.

Let’s clarify the major distinctions.

ASSERTIVENESS VS. AGGRESSIVENESS

In any situation where your rights or space are being violated, there are generally three options available to you. You can:

1) Be submissive, say nothing, and fume in silence.

2) Be aggressive and hostile, which will probably just fuel the fire.

3) Calmly and politely assert your interests.

Sometimes when we feel compelled to speak up, we can easily lose sight of the fact that we just want to stop the offensive behavior, period. We do not need to humiliate the other person, nor do we need to humiliate ourselves by overreacting.

This person may not even be aware of any wrongdoing. In any event, explosive, self-righteous behavior is never a good first line of defense.

CONFIDENT PEOPLE HAVE NO NEED OR DESIRE TO BELITTLE OTHERs

Assertiveness does not seek to humiliate or purposely embarrass anyone. The other party may well end up feeling a little embarrassed, but it won’t be laced with anger at you. It’s amazing how cooperative people can become when treated with respect. And it is equally amazing how swiftly and surely they will become uncooperative if they are being attacked in any way, even with a subtle gesture or an exasperated tone of voice.

HUMANS ALWAYS RESPOND MORE FAVORABLY TO KINDNESS

There’s an old saying, maybe a little corny, but it still holds true: “You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.”

This bit of common knowledge may not be as common as we think. Next time a situation arises, remember that you can choose to assert your interests calmly and politely without becoming angry or abusive.

Your kindness will likely be returned, and even if it’s not, your own sense of personal mastery and self-esteem will rise a notch.

You’ll find such good feelings to be habit-forming. Now there’s a habit worth having.



http://www.google.com

Filed under: Articles — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — @ 5:46 am December 3, 2009
assertiveness



‘The most destructive element in human mind is fear.

Fear creates aggressiveness’

- Dorothy Simpson

Have you ever, if at all, tried to observe if you are an aggressive or assertive person? Despite the fact that man is naturally endowed with all it takes (and more) to undertake a self appraisal in order to make our individual and collective lives better, hardly do we consciously do this. Assertiveness is one of the basic features of leadership yet a lot of people in leadership positions are aggressive either deliberately or not. Do not get me wrong. You do not have to be at the helm of affairs in one big office to be a leader, but you are always at the helm of your own affairs and no one can take that away. So you too are a leader! Besides, it is natural that we find ourselves leading others at some point or the other. However, whether as a leader or follower, we all relate with others everyday.

In a world where might is right, it may seem appropriate to be aggressive in order to have our ways, but it is not always like that. Some managers, in a bid to assert authority, only succeed in intimidating subordinates, who in an attempt to repel the threat or seeming oppression, end up exhibiting unruly and unbecoming behaviours. But must we continue in such manner that neither gives us the desired peace of mind nor self respect, and infact shuts the door on real and sincere friendship and loyalty? No. This is especially so when there are simpler and better ways of doing these things. And who says adults cannot learn and change their ways? I am confident you will agree with me that every adult knows the difference and is sufficiently equipped to choose that which is right – being assertive.

Assertiveness is simply the ability to express yourself within the limits of your natural rights. Aggressiveness on the other hand, refers to a mode of communication and behavior where one expresses his feelings, needs, and rights without regard or respect for the needs and feelings of others. In some extreme situations, emotional or physical force is applied such that the rights of others do not see the light of day at all. This happens in our homes, between couples, in offices and even among friends. With an aggressive behaviour, the dignity of the other person tends to be trampled upon, distance is created, communication is hampered and relationships suffer. Having injured the ego of the other party, aggressive individuals experience a higher level of stress and this takes away the joy from their seeming triumph. Aggressiveness is an often regretted emotional outburst – only a little better than a physical illness. This is because aggressive individuals suffer a false sense of self righteousness, and a feeling so transient that such people after thinking through usually feel guilty. They thereafter burn inside and out of pride find no one to share the hurt with. This disposition pushes others away, causes them to lose respect for you and in some cases become angry, unfriendly and vengeful. It is possible to be aggressive without realizing it, especially when one is threatened. However, with a conscious effort at deep awareness, it is possible to always be in control of your reaction to any kind of stimuli.

Being assertive, according to Wellness Workbook ( Ryan and Travis), “basically means the ability to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly states your needs and keeps the lines of communication open with the other”. It enables you to put your cards on the table without either hurting the ego of the other party or destroying the chances of future relationships. It earns you a sense of ease; you feel good about yourself, gain more self confidence and even the respect of your colleagues and friends. Being assertive keeps you emotionally balanced such that improves your decision making ability and possibly your chances of getting what you want from life. The learned will agree with me that aggressiveness is caused by some kind of fear; that which comes from ignorance about self and one’s environment, and induces self doubt and lack of confidence. From the understanding of self comes a better appreciation of your world and that around you. It also allows you to be in harmony with yourself and your environment, and rewards you with a sense of security such that you are immunized from feeling threatened in any situation, hence no reason to be aggressive. This self knowledge comes from ‘Emotional Intelligence’.

The concept of Emotional Intelligence is the result of various studies on the role of non cognitive factors in helping people to succeed at work and in life generally. Revolving around the importance of social and emotional abilities for personal success, it is defined as “a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action ”(Salovey & Mayer). Emotional Intelligence deals with knowing when and how to express emotion as well as the ability to control it.  According to Salovey, there are five pillars of Emotional Intelligence. The first of these is Self Awareness by which it is meant recognizing a feeling as it happens. This ability is crucial to self understanding because the lack of it leaves one at the mercy of those feelings. Self knowledge provides the necessary tools to pilot one’s life more effectively. Management of Emotions comes next. This is the ability to control feelings and emotions such that response to stimuli at any point in time is appropriate. It relates to the ability to sooth oneself and overcome negative emotions. Its lack leads to feelings of distress and depression.

A good understanding and control of one’s feelings is a precursor for Self Motivation, which leads to self mastery and creativity. People who have this skill tend to be more highly productive and effective in whatever they undertake. Another pillar of emotional intelligence is the fundamental people skill – Empathy. Recognizing emotions in others attunes one to the subtle signals that indicate what others need or want. The last on the list is Relationship Management which in other words refers to managing emotions in others. This skill underpins popularity, leadership and interpersonal effectiveness. People who excel here are social stars.

LAST WORD

It is only expected that people will differ in their mastery of these principles but the brain is eternally pliable, always learning and growing. This means that shortcomings in emotional intelligence can always be improved and built upon. So which would you rather be? Aggressive or Assertive? Besides, studies have revealed that the most successful leaders in world history were warmer, more outgoing, emotionally expressive, dramatic and sociable. It surely pays to be assertive. So why not learn Emotional Intelligence now!

 

tundekamali.11.37/021007



http://www.google.com

Filed under: Articles — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — @ 5:24 am November 26, 2009
assertiveness



Knowing how to be assertive in the workplace is a great advantage for you. After all, the big bosses won’t care about your attendance record or how well you make coffee. They’re more interested in, and are more likely to remember, employees who are determined and carry out their own ideas.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re at work or at a doughnut shop. Learning how to be assertive is the first step to achieving your bigger goals and ambitions.

It’s your ticket to success. However, there are a few key points you must remember and practice before you set out to take that step.

Being Assertive Is Not Being Aggressive.

Many people make the mistake of thinking these two concepts are the same. You know better than that. Being aggressive can backfire on you big time.

Your co-workers, and even your employers, might feel intimidated or turned off by your aggressiveness. You don’t want to scare them away, do you?

Be subtle. If you have an idea, pitch it in a “soft” way. But don’t overwhelm the whole office with it.

Assertiveness Rests on Self-Confidence.

You won’t ever get past the first step if you don’t even have self-confidence. Learning how to be assertive includes improving all your other skills.

Try talking to yourself in front of the mirror. If you can’t even do that, then how do you expect to convince your boss of your credibility? You might even have to work on your stance and observe your body language.

Practicing how to be assertive in the workplace gives you many benefits that extend beyond your 9-5 timetable. You can also use the skills you have honed when trying to socialize with other people. Just remember that moderation is key, and that you are capable of becoming a self-confident and assertive person.



http://www.google.com

Filed under: Articles — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — @ 5:56 am November 12, 2009
assertiveness



Women will occasionally find themselves in heated arguments. Sometimes, people’s views and opinions will come in conflict and create drama. Every now and then these conversations can lead to more difficult situations. Knowing how to be assertive in a nice way can prevent an argument from blowing up and may even help one win an argument.

Learning how to be an assertive woman consists of two things: one is the tendency towards a positive attitude, and the other is audacity. Assertiveness means that you possess a kind of boldness; the boldness to let your views and opinions be heard.

At the root of audacity is the confidence that your views and opinions are true. Having confidence in your beliefs causes you to have the boldness to disclose or pass on to others what you have to say. And, conversely, you will have the courage to defend and stand up for your views against people who may disagree of feel differently than you do.

An assertive woman’s assertiveness is also joined by a positive outlook. She speaks with an attitude that is positive despite a subject that may be about things that are negative. The reason for this is because a person who has a negative attitude runs the risk of loosing his or her composure and possibly saying things that could either be regretted later, or not support the argument’s merits. Be sure to think carefully about the words you use and don’t just ramble on. More words is not a sign of assertiveness. It will not help you win the person you are speaking with and may be considered rude.

An assertive person is not one who tries to find the balance between passivity and aggressiveness; but is a different idea all together. It simply means that when you are in an argument, that you will not be bullied to compromise your beliefs or values. It means that you will stand your ground. It is conveying every thought and every word with grace and elegance in order to expose the truth that you hold. This means there is no need to belittle or insult, but, because you have the power of truth on your side, grace, elegance, and poise are yours to wield.

Be sure you have thought through your facts. Be able to back up the things you want to say. Know in advance, if possible, the counter arguments that might come and be prepared to answer them. Look at it is from the point of view of the other person. Step into their shoes and try to understand why they are taking the position that they are. This can allow you to see flaws in the other person’s argument, or, possibly, cause you to change your own opinion if that is what the truth dictates.

Learning how to be an assertive woman is the skill of learning to convey the truth. The truth brings with it confidence. Assertive confidence has nothing to do with changing the mind of your opponent, but has everything to do with ensuring that your opinions, beliefs, and feelings are heard. This is assertiveness.



http://www.google.com

Filed under: Articles — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — @ 6:45 am October 15, 2009
assertiveness



People will always find themselves in the heat of arguments. Every once in a while, conflicting personalities and ideologies will clash and create commotion. Sometimes, these conversations lead to more harsh circumstances.

Learning to be assertive is a way to prevent arguments from blowing up. Furthermore, it will definitely help in winning arguments.

Assertiveness is a trait that is characterized by two things, audacity and leaning towards the positive. Assertiveness is being audacious in the sense that it requires a certain boldness to be assertive.

Audacity is accompanied by confidence that is rooted from the truth. If one has confidence in what he believes in, he will be bold enough to tell the world about it and will be brave enough to defend it against those who may persecute this ideology of his.

Assertiveness is also accompanied by the “positive.” An assertive person speaks with a positive attitude, even though he is referring to negative things. A negative person, when engaged in an argument, will most likely lose his composure and perhaps say things that are not based on good ideas. Have you heard a blabbermouth engage in an argument? Some people don’t think about the words that they are saying because all they care about is hoarding the whole argument. This tactic will never win a single argument and will likely offend the other party.

Assertiveness is not something in between aggressiveness and being passive; it is a whole other concept on its own. Being assertive means being strong and bold enough to stand your ground when engaged in an argument. It is releasing every word with finesse, as if you are reading from the book of truths. Being assertive, however, is not about insulting the person whom you are arguing with; but rather, it is a way of being respectful of his views and comments.

Before you can be assertive concerning a certain standpoint, you must first fully understand the whole issue. Let us take an example.

Let us say that you (hypothetically) can be sure that you will be engaged in an argument about birth control pills in the near future (perhaps you will be attending a seminar or a symposium about the topic). You should at least make an effort to substantiate your views. Moreover, you must also look into the opposing view, which is the more important thing to do.

Sometimes, people tend to forget the other side of things once they have seen several positive things on the side that they believe is better. Learning about the opposing view can enrich the mind. Two things might happen; you can change views or stick with your current standpoint and find more lapses on the other side. This way, a holistic approach is taken towards learning, which is imperative before being assertive.

Assertiveness is the projection of the truth. It is a confident-laden approach towards arguing. Assertiveness, when used in arguments, will definitely give the person a competitive advantage but will also make sure that the argument stays sensible and thoughtful.

Winning an argument does not strictly mean that you have to make your “opponent” concede to your beliefs; winning it entails a simple thing – that your views are heard and that you have made yourself an exemplar of your belief. This is assertiveness in action.



http://www.google.com

How To Be Assertive Without Getting ANGRY

Filed under: Assertiveness — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 4:41 pm September 16, 2009

No matter what type of business we are involved in, our
success is in part determined by how well we deal with
people. We need to present ourselves as confident, decisive
and assertive.

LET’S NOT OVERDO IT

Sometimes, however, our efforts to show our assertiveness
cross the line. We end up coming across as rude, aggressive
or downright belligerent.

Let’s clarify the major distinctions.

ASSERTIVENESS VS. AGGRESSIVENESS

In any situation where your rights or space are being
violated, there are generally three options available to
you. You can:

1) Be submissive, say nothing, and fume in silence.

2) Be aggressive and hostile, which will probably just
fuel the fire.

3) Calmly and politely assert your interests.

Sometimes when we feel compelled to speak up, we can easily
lose sight of the fact that we just want to stop the
offensive behavior, period. We do not need to humiliate the
other person, nor do we need to humiliate ourselves by
overreacting.

This person may not even be aware of any wrongdoing. In any
event, explosive, self-righteous behavior is never a good
first line of defense.

CONFIDENT PEOPLE HAVE NO NEED OR DESIRE TO BELITTLE OTHERs

Assertiveness does not seek to humiliate or purposely
embarrass anyone. The other party may well end up feeling a
little embarrassed, but it won’t be laced with anger at you.

It’s amazing how cooperative people can become when treated
with respect. And it is equally amazing how swiftly and
surely they will become uncooperative if they are being
attacked in any way, even with a subtle gesture or an
exasperated tone of voice.

HUMANS ALWAYS RESPOND MORE FAVORABLY TO KINDNESS

There’s an old saying, maybe a little corny, but it still
holds true: “You can catch more flies with honey than you
can with vinegar.”

This bit of common knowledge may not be as common as we
think. Next time a situation arises, remember that you can
choose to assert your interests calmly and politely without
becoming angry or abusive.

Your kindness will likely be returned, and even if it’s not,
your own sense of personal mastery and self-esteem will rise
a notch.

You’ll find such good feelings to be habit-forming. Now
there’s a habit worth having.

Wither Art Thou? Aggressive or Assertive

Filed under: Assertiveness — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 5:09 am

‘The most destructive element in human mind is fear. Fear creates aggressiveness’- Dorothy Simpson

Have you ever, if at all, tried to observe if you are an aggressive or assertive person? Despite the fact that man is naturally endowed with all it takes (and more) to undertake a self appraisal in order to make our individual and collective lives better, hardly do we consciously do this. Assertiveness is one of the basic features of leadership yet a lot of people in leadership positions are aggressive either deliberately or not. Do not get me wrong. You do not have to be at the helm of affairs in one big office to be a leader, but you are always at the helm of your own affairs and no one can take that away. So you too are a leader! Besides, it is natural that we find ourselves leading others at some point or the other. However, whether as a leader or follower, we all relate with others everyday.

In a world where might is right, it may seem appropriate to be aggressive in order to have our ways, but it is not always like that. Some managers, in a bid to assert authority, only succeed in intimidating subordinates, who in an attempt to repel the threat or seeming oppression, end up exhibiting unruly and unbecoming behaviours. But must we continue in such manner that neither gives us the desired peace of mind nor self respect, and infact shuts the door on real and sincere friendship and loyalty? No. This is especially so when there are simpler and better ways of doing these things. And who says adults cannot learn and change their ways? I am confident you will agree with me that every adult knows the difference and is sufficiently equipped to choose that which is right – being assertive.

Assertiveness is simply the ability to express yourself within the limits of your natural rights. Aggressiveness on the other hand, refers to a mode of communication and behavior where one expresses his feelings, needs, and rights without regard or respect for the needs and feelings of others. In some extreme situations, emotional or physical force is applied such that the rights of others do not see the light of day at all. This happens in our homes, between couples, in offices and even among friends. With an aggressive behaviour, the dignity of the other person tends to be trampled upon, distance is created, communication is hampered and relationships suffer. Having injured the ego of the other party, aggressive individuals experience a higher level of stress and this takes away the joy from their seeming triumph. Aggressiveness is an often regretted emotional outburst – only a little better than a physical illness. This is because aggressive individuals suffer a false sense of self righteousness, and a feeling so transient that such people after thinking through usually feel guilty. They thereafter burn inside and out of pride find no one to share the hurt with. This disposition pushes others away, causes them to lose respect for you and in some cases become angry, unfriendly and vengeful. It is possible to be aggressive without realizing it, especially when one is threatened. However, with a conscious effort at deep awareness, it is possible to always be in control of your reaction to any kind of stimuli.

Being assertive, according to Wellness Workbook ( Ryan and Travis), “basically means the ability to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly states your needs and keeps the lines of communication open with the other”. It enables you to put your cards on the table without either hurting the ego of the other party or destroying the chances of future relationships. It earns you a sense of ease; you feel good about yourself, gain more self confidence and even the respect of your colleagues and friends. Being assertive keeps you emotionally balanced such that improves your decision making ability and possibly your chances of getting what you want from life. The learned will agree with me that aggressiveness is caused by some kind of fear; that which comes from ignorance about self and one’s environment, and induces self doubt and lack of confidence. From the understanding of self comes a better appreciation of your world and that around you. It also allows you to be in harmony with yourself and your environment, and rewards you with a sense of security such that you are immunized from feeling threatened in any situation, hence no reason to be aggressive. This self knowledge comes from ‘Emotional Intelligence’.

The concept of Emotional Intelligence is the result of various studies on the role of non cognitive factors in helping people to succeed at work and in life generally. Revolving around the importance of social and emotional abilities for personal success, it is defined as “a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action ”(Salovey & Mayer). Emotional Intelligence deals with knowing when and how to express emotion as well as the ability to control it.  According to Salovey, there are five pillars of Emotional Intelligence. The first of these is Self Awareness by which it is meant recognizing a feeling as it happens. This ability is crucial to self understanding because the lack of it leaves one at the mercy of those feelings. Self knowledge provides the necessary tools to pilot one’s life more effectively. Management of Emotions comes next. This is the ability to control feelings and emotions such that response to stimuli at any point in time is appropriate. It relates to the ability to sooth oneself and overcome negative emotions. Its lack leads to feelings of distress and depression.

A good understanding and control of one’s feelings is a precursor for Self Motivation, which leads to self mastery and creativity. People who have this skill tend to be more highly productive and effective in whatever they undertake. Another pillar of emotional intelligence is the fundamental people skill – Empathy. Recognizing emotions in others attunes one to the subtle signals that indicate what others need or want. The last on the list is Relationship Management which in other words refers to managing emotions in others. This skill underpins popularity, leadership and interpersonal effectiveness. People who excel here are social stars.

LAST WORDIt is only expected that people will differ in their mastery of these principles but the brain is eternally pliable, always learning and growing. This means that shortcomings in emotional intelligence can always be improved and built upon. So which would you rather be? Aggressive or Assertive? Besides, studies have revealed that the most successful leaders in world history were warmer, more outgoing, emotionally expressive, dramatic and sociable. It surely pays to be assertive. So why not learn Emotional Intelligence now!

 

tundekamali.11.37/021007