Assertiveness

The mums were sweating over a decision they had to make.

No. They weren’t just sweating. They were fretting over a decision.

Their daughters, both just turned 13, had asked for permission to go on a Saturday night party bus with over forty 16 and 17 year olds.

A party bus is a nightclub-on-wheels for young people. There is supervision and it is promoted as alcohol-free but they can be dodgy. The mums knew little about it.

The two girls put huge pressure on their mothers to let them go – pester power was alive and well in their homes in the preceding days.

Both mums admitted that the alarm bells were ringing and they didn’t feel good about letting their daughters girls go on the party bus!

It was the first time they had been put on the spot in such a way so they sought my advice.

My response was simple and straight-forward – “You can say NO!”

The age gap between the girls and the rest of the party, their experience gap and the mothers’ lack of knowledge about who was attending and the exact nature of supervision were the main issues.

Both girls are in the early stages of adolescence where they think they are three years older than they are. It is an age where they tread a fine line between child and emergent teen.

The emergent teen desperately wants to act ‘older’ and be older than they are. The child wants to be protected and have their parents decide for them.

Kids in the early stages of adolescence draw strength from each other and rarely make parental challenges individually, or at least not without some back-up. “Everyone else is going….” “Bonnie’s mum is letting her go…” are the catchcries for this age group as they battle to get into the headspace of their parents. That’s why they gang up on parents. Not only is it more effective but working together gives them false bravado.

Many young teens think they have invented adolescence however young teens don’t know what they don’t know. They often can’t see potential risks involved. Parents need to be the ‘bad guy’ for this age group making decisions for them in their best interests.

Early and middle teens together is a bad Saturday night mix. Middle to late teens are more likely to be sexually active and more likely to drink alcohol than early teens. The two to three year age gap can seem like a decade during at these stages. They don’t play sport against each other for good reason and they shouldn’t party with each other either!

So what did the mums decide?

Despite their gut instincts both mums let their kids join the Saturday night party bus.

FORTUNATELY, their kids showed some common sense!

The young teens didn’t like what they saw when their parents dropped them off to start the evening. They didn’t feel safe so they returned home with their parents. After all their fuss they don’t go after all!!!

There are three salient lessons from this scenario.

First, it was evident that these mothers didn’t feel confident enough to assert their authority over their daughters. They were confused about how they should respond yet their gut instinct was giving them a strong message. Next time they should have more faith in their instincts………….

Second, like many parents they were working in isolation. Despite the fact that they were good friends it wasn’t until the morning of the party that they spoke to each other. By this time their daughters’ pestering had worked a treat. Next time they should call for second, third and fourth opinions……….

Third, as both these girls were the eldest in their families it was the first real experience for both parents with the adolescent push for independence. They were unaware of the developmental stages of adolescence and the approach that is needed in each stage. They were flying blind and this is not a good way to raise teens………      Lack of basic knowledge about teen development, confusion about the best approach to take with kids at this age and solitary decision-making were the real issues here for the parents.

Next time I am sure the parents would react quite differently. Thankfully they learned a good lesson with no damage done.

So would you fret over this decision? Would it make you sweat?

HOW PREPARED ARE YOU to face a similar dilemma? As a parent I know that situations like this happen out of the blue.

Confidence in your approach is probably the best ally that you can have. It helps you withstand the pressure that can be placed on you.

Confidence in your authority gives you the backbone to walk away from arguments and resist the pressure of pestering.

The confidence gained by understanding what each stage of adolescence needs helps you make clear decisions in your child’s best interest – at an age when they most need good parenting.

The key to raising teens is to be prepared. Most parents are woefully unprepared for the challenges that they will face.

There is nothing like experience but it helps to have an understanding about teen development, a knowledge about the best approach to raising teens and a number of allies and friends whom you can swap ideas with, and more importantly, draw strength from when your resolve and patience are put to the test.

And of course, you can just say NO!

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. We all know how it feels; sometimes we experience it as a fleeting annoyance, other times as overwhelming fury.
One thing is certain: When it gets away from us and turns destructive, we are instantly at high risk for crises; crises at work, in our intimate relationships or friendships, and in the general quality of life. At this point, you can feel as though you are helplessly at the mercy of an unpredictable, strong, and over- powering feeling.
If you do not make an effort to understand and manage your anger, it can literally change the status of your very life!. Anger: What is it Exactly?
Anger can be considered a feeling state that can vary from simple annoyance to overwhelming fury and rage. It causes various physiological, neurological and respiratory changes. When angry, your heart rate accelerates and your blood pressure, levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline all spike up.
As you know, anger can be triggered by almost anything, but often makes its appearance when ones expectations are not met. A specific person or a situation, like traffic congestion, can trigger your anger. Or, it could be caused by obsessing or brooding about something; even memories of traumatic events can make anger surface.
Expressing Anger
The instinctive, impulsive way to express anger is with hostility. However, in its natural state, anger is a normal, programmed response designed to protect us from danger and threats to our boundaries or territory.
It can generate powerful, aggressive and sometimes violent feelings and behaviors, which encourage us to protect and defend ourselves when attacked. Since anger became necessary to our early physical survival, evolution programmed it in to us-survival of the fittest.
On the other hand, over time, our cortex and thinking processes encouraged civilizing behaviors. Therefore, laws, social norms etc. structured how anger must be expressed to not backfire.
The main ways we cope with our anger, include the techniques of expressing, suppressing and self-soothing. Using an assertive, rather than hostile manner to express anger is considered to be the best approach.
The core of this method is to talk with another person in a way which makes clear what your needs are and how they could get met, so that you do not degrade, diminish or hurt the other person in the process. Being assertive is not being pushy or manipulative, but rather, being respectful of yourself and others.
One way to deal with anger is to inhibit or suppress it, then convert it into a more functional and healthy response. This happens when you impulsively think a hostile thought, and then reflect on a healthier, non hurtful way to express it and then do so.
It is important that you actually express your concern so you do not inadvertently turn your anger inwards, against yourself. Anger introjected in this way raises the risk for hypertension, depression and other emotionally-fueled disorders.
Unexpressed anger can lead to dysfunctional ways of expressing it, such as passive-aggressive behavior. People who use this method attempt to get back at people by not being direct and telling them the reason.
Instead, they just shut down or ignore the other person without telling them why. Sometimes, they just appear cynical or hostile.
If you are constantly putting others down, criticizing them or making cynical comments, you have not learned to constructively express anger. Therefore, you are likely to have struggling or tension-laden relationships.
Finally, it is important to remember to soothe yourself. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also deliberately calming yourself in order to decrease your heart rate and let the agitated feelings subside.

According to Wikipedia the slang word “Cougar” is used to describe an older woman who prefers to date men at least 5 years their junior.  Dr. Joyce Brothers notes that women don’t reach their sexual peak until their mid-thirties and sometimes older. Therefore, they are perfectly matched with a younger man who has more sexual vigor. Women today are taking care of themselves and often looking for younger men who can keep up with them.

Calling a woman a Cougar was initially an insult that meant an older woman who stalked and pounced on unsuspecting younger men while hoping for a sexual liaison.  Women called Cougar were thought to be pathetic, lonely old women who preyed on immature young men because no one else would have them.  My, how times have changed!

Now the word “Cougar” has become positive and means more of an attitude than the age of the men you date so you might be a Cougar without even knowing it.  Take the Cougar Quiz below to find out if you are a fun loving, adventurous and confident Cougar!

Cougar Quiz:

1.   Are you mature, independent and savvy?

2.   Are you opinionated, sassy and fun?

3.   Do you have a full fantasy life that you want to share with others?

4.   Are you open to relationships with younger men?

5.   Are you fun and enjoy humor of many different types?

6.   Do you love to travel, explore and learn new things?

7.   Are you getting sexier and more sensual as you age?

8.   Can you assert yourself without worrying what others will think of you?

9.   Are you happy whether in a relationship or not?

10. Do you know what you want and then go after it?

If you answered yes to more than one question then you have a true Cougar “attitude” and you can consider yourself a Cougar. 

Being a Cougar is all in the attitude – attitude of exhilaration about life. They epitomize beauty and strength. A Cougar can be of any age, mothers, sisters, wife, lover and friend. Being a Cougar is about finding balance. Cougars revel in their relationships and are open to spiritual and mental freedom. They are intelligent, confident, and enjoy life; celebrating triumphs and surviving heartache. From all socio-economic backgrounds, Cougars have met life’s challenges head on and proud to be themselves.

The defining qualities of a Cougar woman is confidence, assertiveness, sophistication, independence, intelligence, maturity, inner strength, wisdom and a fun loving attitude.  She doesn’t take no for an answer and often searches for unusual solutions to traditional problems. 

If you have several of these qualities, regardless of your age, then you can be proud and proclaim yourself a Cougar!  Enjoy your Cougar status by enjoying your relationships without guilt or expectations, travel somewhere exotic at the last minute, speak your mind without fear of recriminations and find like minded friends by joining the Cougar pack at Cougar Candy Store!

(c) 2009, Cougar Candy Store.  All rights reserved.  Reprints welcomed so long as article and byline are printed intact and all links made live.

Have you ever thought why it is so challenging to create happiness and be successful in life? Here are twelve basic traits and values that could help you as an individual towards achieving happiness & success whether it is at your workplace or in your overall life.

1.  Know yourself

The most important thing is to know your strengths and weaknesses as well as your opportunities and threats in order to face the challenges around you. Know your priorities and focus on them to avoid interruptions in achieving productivity and success. You need to accept the reality about yourself before you manage yourself and the people around you. Be aware of your potential and uniqueness as this will help you move forward in life. Write down all the key points about your strengths, opportunities, priorities, potential and uniqueness as well as your achievements to keep yourself on track. Also list your weaknesses, threats and interruptions to decide which of these your need to overcome or find solutions for.

  2.  Self-confidence

Self-confidence is the most valuable trait and it’s necessary to practice this to bring faith in yourself and your abilities. There will be people in your surrounding that may have inadequacies to understand and appreciate you. However it may not be necessary react or response to these neither should you be demoralized or sad about what others think about you as this will affect your self-confidence. Remember you can’t satisfy everyone out there. In fact these could be accepted positively as an input to help you do better or make necessary changes without affecting your self-confidence. Self-confidence will be required to help you overcome your weaknesses.

3. Self responsible

Responsibility is a highly regarded value. This means that you should be responsible for your own actions, and if you have decided on something, then you should head on with it and be willing to manage the consequences or any adverse effects that arise. However reassess the actions and make necessary decisions on changes to prevent further undesired consequences.

4. Assertive

Being assertive is necessary. You have to be firm with your own priorities and approach. Highlight or stress your points clearly, yet flexible and open to new things. Assertiveness should be practiced with self-confidence and responsibility.

5. Wisdom and respect for others

It is important to practice wisdom in your actions and decisions. Be prepared for all reactions and feedback. Handle them with care and wisdom and show respect to other’s opinion and feelings. Complaints are part of any system, so learn to manage them without being intimidated. We can’t satisfy everyone but can do our best within our capacity.

6. Manage conflicts well

Conflicts could also arise, therefore be prepared to listen to all parties. Do not make decision by listening to just one party. Have an open discussion or a personal one depending on the situation in order to handle the conflict.

7. Problem-solving

Address a problem and come up with appropriate solutions. Take into consideration all necessary factors around you. If you leave a problem unattended, you may build-up more problems and create a tensed situation. Seek expert advice if necessary by having a mentor or going for counseling when necessary.

8. Self-pride

It is good to be proud of yourself as if could boost your self-esteem and self-confidence, however do not be arrogant.

9. Continuous learning and improvement

Enhance your knowledge, skills and abilities as they are important as a key to happiness and success. Practice continuous learning and take necessary steps to improve yourself.

10. Having a variety of skills

Having a good mix of interpersonal, technical & management skills is important to solve problems, make decisions, carry out your duties and deal with everyone around you. There are various ways of achieving these perhaps through relevant training and practice, mentoring, reading or perhaps through seminars/courses.

11. Keep fit & healthy

It is very important to keep fit and healthy to avoid stress. Take up activities that help you exercise like dancing, yoga or playing games. Keeping fit benefits in many ways; it takes care of all the systems in your body such as improving your blood circulation, prevents from digestive problems and provides you with mental strength and abilities to perform your duties and other daily chores. Through your activities you may also find friends.

12. Balance your life

It’s necessary to balance your life with many things. Have some activities of your interest that could bring you fun and joy e.g. camping, writing and joining clubs and societies. This will also help you to network, communicate, learn, share as well as vent your feelings, ideas and thoughts. Being a workaholic may not be good and could create unhappiness and stress with your personal relationships and affect your overall quality of life. So do take a break or find time to relax to avoid buildup of pressure and lethargy that would affect your productivity, satisfaction and happiness.

Weight loss at it’s core, is self hypnosis. The process begins with knowing what you want, in this case, a successful weight loss program. The “knowing” what you want makes it so much easier to ask for what you want. Knowing, brings clarity and focus to the asking process.

Clarity and focus bring a sense of confidence. At the very center of your weight loss program, is a personal inner confidence. Let’s face it, confidence is really just a quiet inner sense of knowing. This becomes your weight loss self hypnosis program at work. The “knowing” puts the Law of Attraction in motion.

Until you can manage the self hypnosis process I just described, your weight loss program will not properly begin. The process again is simple. Knowing first builds the desire. That desire creates more focus, and then a confidence path begins. As the path gains depth and momentum, the quiet confidence builds and turns into an assertive weight loss approach, to manifest “the knowing”. It’s that “knowing” or self hypnosis that enforces and sustains the weight loss program.

Being assertive is one of the most desired character qualities people strive for. There are volumes written on being assertive and it’s approach to weight loss programs. In the end, being assertive is just a self hypnotic commitment to self. Almost like the law of attraction.

If being assertive towards your weight loss goal is what you desire, your focus is clear already, and you have actually begun your own self hypnosis program to being assertive and thus, a weight loss program begins with confidence. Keeping it in context here, a self hypnosis program builds a more assertive and confident you. It’s that “knowing”, or weight loss program that manifests through the self hypnosis focus. It’s not complicated at all, but rather just a process.

Simply put, being assertive toward your weight loss program enhances your chances for success. There are two programs on the subject of self hypnosis.

I have listed the websites on my blog http://weight-loss-self-hypnosis.blogspot.com/

It is tough having to deal with someone who abuses you. Moreover, it is more difficult to deal with, and manage a person, like a boss or supervisor, that has authoritative power over you. Someone that is in a position like your boss can trick you into a destructive way of behaving where you undermine your wellbeing from fear of repercussions when you address the issue.If the verbal and other forms of mental abuse begin to get really serious and even approach physical abuse, the issue can become a legal concern. I have heard that people are trying to pass legislation in an American state that disallows workplace abuse. However, unfortunately nearly all laws do not take into account verbal workplace conflict so you have got to learn how to handle bullies by yourself for your own happiness and wellbeing.Most people who lack the communication skills to deal with a bad boss either:

First Common Reaction: Endure the BullyingThis reaction to a bullying boss is a passive response. You forgo your own person needs while your boss tramples over you. The absolute last thing you want to do when being abused by anyone is accept the abuse.You must address the issue in the correct manner otherwise your confidence, happiness, and in this situation, your work will suffer. People who receive aggressive behavior that is not correctly handled have been known to develop serious health problems such as strokes, heart attacks, suicide, migraines, escalated stress levels, insomnia, and terrifying nightmares. One person who will remain anonymous often dreamed her boss pointing a gun at employees so they would complete their work.The most common reason for accepting intimidation from others is the fear of repercussions if you stick up for yourself. In a work situation, and especially with someone who has authoritative power, you probably do not defend yourself in fear of losing your job. This fear I believe is real because when most people stick up for themselves, they do so in an aggressive manner causing negative results (which you’ll soon see more about below).These passive people forgo their own needs and get dominated by others. They live in massive amounts of frustration as their anger is bottled inside of themselves. They do not have the effective communication skills to address the problem as they think they must accept what happens and live with the intimidation hoping the abusive person stops bullying. The end result is a win for the bully and a loss for the passive person.Second Common Reaction: Bully the BullyThe second common reaction to facing a bully is aggression. People who respond aggressively are willing to defend themselves and usually have more confidence than those who respond passively. They often see that in order to get what they want, they must retaliate. It becomes fire against fire. A fight starts as the two individuals take to a verbal boxing ring mentally beating out each other’s minds.People may become aggressive for several reasons:

While aggression in the workplace may create the necessary level of productivity, it is strongly related to a high turnover rate, said to be an average of 1.5 years, and other commitment problems. Employees fake sick days, become miserable, sabotage their own work, and lose passion for their work. It can create unproductive employees as they “hide” by staying under the radar, seeking to comply, while do nothing that stands out that could potentially bring them attention. The aggressive communication being exchanged between two people becomes a loss for both individuals.A Third Rare Action: Assertive Communication with the BossThe first common reaction was a passive response. The second common reaction was an aggressive response. There is a response between these two common reactions known as “assertiveness” which produces a win-win response. Assertiveness is the secret you need to face an abusive boss.Depending on the situation, occasional aggressive behavior can be definitely welcomed. In order for the aggressive behavior to be successful it must be expressed appropriately and constructively. You could even say this constructive type of aggression is like assertive communication because the end-result is a win for each party.Where passive communication fails to respect yourself and aggressive communication fails to respect the other person, assertive communication respects both individuals. There are several assertive communication techniques you can use to stop the bullying, stop your fear, build your self-confidence, and create a nice working relationship with your boss. This is the power of assertive skills. Below I’ll share some techniques with you that are useful for the specific situation of facing an aggressive boss.

Human behavior is very complex. No two people react in the same manner in the same situation. However, it is broadly stated that there are three types of behavioral attributes: passive, aggressive and assertive. Let’s take a situation where you are waiting for your turn in line at the billing counter in a mall. The clerk is just about to finish with the customer in front of you when a man comes by and edges in. The clerk asks, ` Who’s next?’ and the man says` I am’

There are three possible behavioral outcomes of this situation:

1. You say nothing, wait for your turn and sulk all the day long.

2. You shout at both the pushy man and the clerk.

3. You simply say, ` Sorry I was next’ and get your work done by the clerk.

The first outcome shows a non-assertive/ passive behavior.

The second outcome shows an aggressive behavior.

The third outcome shows an assertive behavior.

The reasons behind non-assertive behavior are many; many a times we confuse the goal of being liked with the goal of being respected and in this need for being liked, we sacrifice our own self-respect. This non-assertive behavior begins at childhood when our parents hinder our assertion of self by censoring us when we speak for our rights. Religion fosters the idea of humility and sacrifice rather than standing up for self. Even as employees, we learn at the start of our career that if we speak, we are not likely to receive a raise or promotion.

Being assertive and speaking straight doesn’t mean being rude or aggressive. Aggressiveness is a behavior that includes hostile words and actions. On the other side, is passiveness, which is self-denying and restrained inhibited action. These two behavior types are at extreme ends and we must strike the right balance by practicing “assertiveness.”

Assertiveness is a behavior to speak and act, where people are able to express their opinions in their own best interest and stand up for themselves honestly without undue anxiety and feelings of guilt. Assertive persons will ask others for what they want or need and never demand. They consider the needs of others and respect the others’ rights.

Assertiveness involves the following:

? Calmly communicating without using harsh words or verbally attacking the other person

? Being clear about what you feel, what you need and how it can be achieved.

? Saying `yes’ or `no’ rather than agreeing to do something just to please someone else.

? Accepting a `no’ from someone else without taking this as an `end of the world’ reply.

? Being an optimistic, confident person who can take both positive and negative feedback with patience.

? Respecting the other person’s viewpoint.

Suppose at the time when you have lots of work to do, your friend/ colleague requests you to help him complete his project. In such a situation, you can politely decline by saying a firm` I wish I could but I am yet to complete my own work’. This will save you from sulking, fretting and getting stressed out. You don’t have to apologize unnecessarily for things you are not responsible for, like in the case just mentioned. However, if it is your responsibility, there’s nothing wrong with apologizing when something goes wrong. Negative remarks such as `I lack the experience so I make stupid mistakes’ should be replaced with “I’ve made a mistake, I won’t make that one again, because I’ve learned from that mistake.”

Assertive behavior fosters creation of goodwill and enhances self-esteem. As they say that behaviors do not exist in isolation, but interact with each other, forming patterns which we call the psychological organization. To achieve the state of the complete individual, we must realize that if we change one behavior, we change a whole series of related behaviors. Being assertive by nature will help you acquire new skills and change your actions, and by changing your feelings you are changing the entire pattern of your psychological organization.

Why don’t people get what they want in a negotiation and a conflict? It’s quite simple: They’re not being assertive.  They think they are, but in the place of a simple, assertive request, they substitute words that subtly signal they may be willing to settle for less than what they say they really want.

Consider the following examples. Do any of them remind you of what you do?

Here’s what’s really being said: “I know it’s difficult for you to be on time, so even though that’s what I want, if you have a good excuse, I’d probably forgive you.”

However, when she comes to your office with a question, you respond with “I     know that’s a lot of reading and it’s not the most interesting reading, but it’s important that you familiarize yourself with this material so I’d like you to read it.”

What the person may hear is that because “it’s a lot of reading” and “not the most interesting reading,” it’s okay to keep asking you. After all, who would want to “familiarize” himself with all this uninteresting material when you could quickly help?  Besides, you’d only “like” her to read it.

If any of these sound even remotely familiar, here’s the formula I suggest you use:

This is not always easy. You must be clear on what you want before you can be clear with someone else.

2. Go the person you want it from and say, “Have you got a minute? There’s something I want to ask of you.”

Always ask for permission to proceed. You’re about to intrude on someone’s time and it’s a good idea to get permission to interrupt him/her.

3. After asking for the person’s time, pause until he/she is making eye contact with you.

Eye contact signals you have his/her attention. Usually, you don’t’ have to ask for eye contact. Just remain silent until he/she is looking at you.

Of course, this is impossible on the phone. You’ll simply have to judge if he/she is checking email and only pretending to pay attention to you.

4. Begin your request with these exact words: “Will you…

Do not begin with “Could you,” “Can you” “Please try” or any variation other than “Will you.”

Never use more than 10 words to make your request. Keep it simple. When asking for what you want, the more words you use the weaker your assertion.”

5. Stop talking.

Even if you are uncomfortable with silence, don’t speak after making your request. Many people are uncomfortable with silence. Just accept your discomfort. The other person will respond with “yes,” “no” or some form of “maybe.” If “yes,” thank the person. If “no,” or “maybe” ask, “Why.” This is the beginning of the negotiation.

Follow this formula and enjoy the results.

To learn more: go to http://www.conflictresolutiontraining.net

The concept of being assertive is about seeing yourself as an equal who has certain rights. Also it involves respecting the fact that the people you deal with on a daily basis have the same rights as you do. So what exactly are these rights? They involve having the right to say no and the right to change your mind as well as the right to make mistakes. They involve having the right to express feeling and opinions as well as the right to disagree and put forward an alternative interpretation.

What many people don’t realise is that being assertive is not a personality trait; it is something that is learned. The behaviour of being assertive is our ability to state our wants and feelings openly as well as respecting the wants and feelings of those we are talking to, even if these wants and feeling differ from our own.

Assertiveness training The idea behind learning to be more assertive came around the time when women’s liberation was really starting to take off. It started originally in the US when women started to go on courses about it to learn how to be more confident in male dominated workplaces.

In our day and age this trait is taught by many experts in personal development. It is now considered to be an important communication skill so how do you exactly go about improving it?

There are several techniques that can help you in this field. One of these techniques is known as broken record, which is used when you are trying to get someone do to something you have asked them to. It involves repeating a request over and over again until the outcome is what you want it to be. It involves asking calmly and politely while blocking attempts of distraction or changing of the subject.

Another training technique that is used is known as fogging. So what does this involve? Believe it or not a lot of us probably already carry out this technique, even if we don’t consider ourselves to be assertive in the slightest. It is especially carried out by people who work in jobs that involve a lot of contact with the general public. The way that this technique is carried out is training yourself to stay calm within the face of criticism and taking on board anything that may be critical but fair. If you train yourself to refuse to be provoked and hurt by criticism you receive then you remove the destructive power that the words can cause. It requires you to have a certain level of control but the outcome is very effective.

Lastly another technique is called negative assertion. This basically means you are accepting and agreeing with some parts of the criticism; you are taking on board aspects that are valid. You are however doing this without allowing yourself to become consumed by guilt or self-loathing. This is one way that you could go about using this technique, another way is to own up to your mistakes before anyone says anything to you. This demonstrates that you admit the problem and accept responsibility.

The above are some of the most effective ways that you can train to become more assertive. Anyone who is looking into becoming more assertive should seek help or a training course as this will allow them to take on board aspects such as the above and then apply such techniques to their everyday lives.

Confidence and Assertiveness are two tools needed to overcome life’s ups and downs.  If you lack confidence you lack the ability to overcome most challenges.  What does it mean to be assertive and confident?  Being assertive and confident is the ability to achieve goals in life.

During job interviews, potential employers look for important qualities in potential employees. Assertiveness and confidence are high on the list. Think about people you admire in the business world – they are often seen as confident and assertive.

Here are the top 5 ways to become assertive and confident:

Visualization. Visualize yourself in situations and circumstances experiencing a positive outcome.  This will give you a better “what if” scenario, and help you be better prepared for any variation.

Practice speaking. If you are a shy person, it is safe to say you dislike the sound of your own voice. If this is the case, practice speaking in front of a mirror or in front of a small audience of family and friends. The more you practice this technique the more confident you will become.

Emphasize the positive. Using positive affirmation is a good way to build confidence.  . By using affirmations to assert your positive characteristics, you can convince yourself that you are brilliant and worthy of great things. After all, sometimes the hardest person to convince is you!

There is a difference between being aggressive and assertive. Aggressive people are often over bearing and pushy.  An assertive person approaches each situation with concern and ideas to improve the situation.

Observe how they do things.

Watch what they say and how they say it

Watch their body language.

Learning to be confident and assertive can allow you to achieve your goals with simplicity, whatever they may be. Practicing these and other technique will put you on the right track to success.

Believe in yourself and your abilities. Keep in mind that some of our best leaders didn’t start out assertive and confident. Try these techniques and you can change the way you do things!