Being assertive is good. It allows you to get your point across in a way that
is better remembered by the other party because of the intensity of the
emotion that is associated with it. However, assertiveness can also be a
pitfall when overdone. While it can seal deals, it also has the power to
destroy relationships and potential business opportunities. How, then, can
you assert yourself without being too pushy or annoying?
Here are some tips you might want to keep in mind the next time you try to
calmly convince someone to see your side of the story.
Don’t Bulldoze Your Listener
What is bulldozing? In sales, it is referred to as the act of drowning the
prospective clients in figures and facts in order to confuse them to eventual
submission. Keep in mind that the only way the other party will accept your
idea is when they have decided that they want it. People who have given in
to your bulldozing will do so only at first, but will eventually try to get out of
the situation, be it after a few minutes or after a few days. You must be able
to know how to read body language in order to decipher if a certain action is
appropriate for the situation.
Nevertheless, if you want to be an effective and truly successful persuader,
you want others to willingly agree with you, not because you almost forced
them unwillingly to do something or left them with no other choice. If you
are at a debate, this is fine. You are trained to tear the other person’s
statements apart. However, in a normal conversation, this is a major blunder.
“A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still,” as the saying
goes. This means that while you may have succeeded in getting others
person to give their agreement forcibly, they will still maintain their original
ideas. If you try to make them cooperate with you thereafter, expect that it
is going to be difficult.
What should you do then? Try to make your idea attractive to the other
party so that they would be more willing to submit to it. You can do so by
first acknowledging the merits of their points and then outlining your merits.
Do not make a comparison that is based on just the negative aspects. You
will appear to be discrediting the other person; this is not good.
Be Patient And Try To Avoid Clashes
The professional persuader is never overeager; he always moves steadily
and carefully towards his goal, and avoids getting into situations that would
result in idea collisions. He is sensitive enough to watch out for emotional or
psychological taboos and avoids them at all costs.
How can you do this? First, do not take sides. Try to be open to all ideas that
are placed on the table and consider each one’s merits meticulously before
you move on to pursuing your selection. Actually, you don’t really need to
focus on one concept alone. When you study everything that’s suggested,
you will find that you can make appropriate changes and combine all their
positive aspects to arrive at something that is agreeable to everyone
involved.
The key to being effectively assertive is to keep an open mind. If you simply
stick to what is in your head and work endlessly at seeing it through in
100% state to the end, do not expect to enjoy the ride. You will lose
friendships, you will lose confidence, and you will lose the drive, eventually.
Assertiveness is good when used the right way, which is the professional and
balanced way. If you try to use your assertive skills to force people to your
side, there is no way you will truly succeed.
Many people will tell you that what bothers them most during conversations is not the topic, but the attitude of the person they have conversed with. This predicament ends up to be the reason why friendships become superficial. As a result, one of you becomes either pushy or lifeless. Proper assertive behavior and body language, aside from possessing assertive communication skills, are therefore necessary in developing happy relationships.
Winning Friends
The right attitude to be able to win friends is to be more assertive. Being assertive is actually just your ability to stand up for yourself, tackle issues face to face, state your own personal views, and defend others when they are being taken advantage of. Contrary to what you may think, being assertive is very much different from being bossy and overbearing.
Getting Promoted
Assertiveness is actually a good thing. Without it, you inevitably hold back in your career and your personal life. If you are usually compared to another one of your co-workers because the two of you have similar levels of experience and skills, then it is more likely that the more assertive one is rewarded with the promotion.
It is natural that some people are more assertive than others; whether you are part of the former or the latter, it does not matter. What matters is that you get to learn assertive behavior, which ensures you are in the path for new opportunities.
For you to be assertive, you have to keep in mind the effects of positive body language. It is not difficult, actually. You just need to show the person you are talking to that you are attentive and that you truly care about whatever topic it is that you are discussing.
Eye-to-eye Contact
When in a conversation, you have to do everything you can to maintain eye-to-eye contact. It is believed that your eyes are the windows to your soul. Therefore, for you to be able to achieve a heartfelt and productive conversation, you have to show the other party your undivided attention.
You must not, under any circumstances, look around while the other person is talking. You have to always make sure that the person you’re talking to sees that you are truly participating in your conversation by listening intently, while maintaining eye-to-eye contact.
Leaning Forward
For you to be able to further express that you are, in fact, approaching your conversation with respect and attention, you may lean forward. Leaning forward is a gesture that shows that you want to hear more and would want the other party to expound on what he or she has just said.
Of course, leaning backward is the opposite. It proves that you are only engaging yourself in the conversation because you have to, and not because you truly care about what is bothering the other party.
You have to prevent yourself from being pushy in your newfound relationship. You must not force your opinions and beliefs on the other party if he or she radically believes otherwise. Just let things be, accept them as how they are.
Just be assertive. Taking the initiative of beginning a conversation, or in stating your views without pushing them to the other party, is the right way for a productive and effective conversation. Do not worry about giving the other party an image that you are overly confident; for being assertive is not only about being confident, it is also about understanding other people and the empathy that you give them.
Indeed, it has been observed and proven that body language has a huge part when it comes to being assertive. Body language shows the other party that you are attentive to what he or she is saying. It is not all about looking good and speaking for yourself. It is also about making other people more comfortable when they talk and express their personal thoughts with you.
