Assertiveness

Each year, hundreds of millions of people jot a letter of complaint. Since you are one of the crowd, you’ll want your letter to gain attention. Place yourself in the position of the person getting your letter and recall that your goal is not to vengeance or to vent your righteous anger, but to get win-win results.
The best way to get a desired outcome is to make your letter concise, factual, and reasonable. Oh and yes- rib-tickling humor doesn’t hurt either. Write a letter of complaint about:
1. collection/financial/ordering errors
2. kids and/or pets: misbehavior/damage by
3. neighborhood problems: unkempt property/ loud noises/disturbance
4. holdup: late reply/shipment/refund/merchandise/supplies/ payment
5. staff: incompetent/rude/inappropriate behavior
6. governmental problems: high taxes/unfair laws/pending bills
7. goods: defective/damaged/dangerous/missing parts, instructions, or warranties
8. blunder, misunderstandings, personal errors
9. policies: unfavorable/restrictive/discriminatory
10. institutional: undeserved reprimands/undesirable programs
11. alleged fraud, misleading advertising, unfair practices, discrimination
Let’s get down to the nitty gritty on powerful letters of complaints
1. Assert the problem plainly, concisely, and reasonably: what it is, when you observed it, how it has hassled you, what you have done, and what needs to be prepared to correct it.
2. Provide all vital facts: date and place of acquisition, sales slip number, thorough account of product or service, serial or model number, amount paid, name of clerk who performed the service or sold you the item/gave you the wrong information, your account number or credit card number, account of previous communication.
3. Present inclusive and accurate names and addresses, both your own and the person to whom you are writing. Also incorporate your home and work phone numbers.
4. Incorporate appropriate documentation such as sales slips, warranties or guarantees, previous communication, copies of pictures of damaged item, repair or service orders, canceled checks, contracts, paid invoices.
5. Inform why you think it’s key that the complaint be taken care of and affirm plainly what you require from the person or company. Demand a reasonable, possible resolution.
6. Propose a deadline for the action demanded.
7. Should your complaint involve an incident with an impudent sales clerk, another driver, a cantankerous or intimidating stranger, include the date and time of the incident, the name of person involved, where it occurred, names of witnesses, and any other noteworthy particulars.
9. In finishing, articulate your assurance that the matter will be taken care of to your satisfaction.
10. Shun derision, finger pointing, abuse, recriminations, blaming, crass remarks, and emotional outbursts. You will only provoke the very person who is in the best position to help you. Off-putting letters are not only futile, they also make you look silly.
11. Never threaten to sue. Blustering is generally recognized as a bluff; people who are really going to sue leave this declaration to their lawyer. You might say that you will elevate the case to small claims court. This is one probable way of achieving a swift, inexpensive resolution.
12. Never hint for freebies or “compensation” beyond your dues.

According to Wikipedia the slang word “Cougar” is used to describe an older woman who prefers to date men at least 5 years their junior.  Dr. Joyce Brothers notes that women don’t reach their sexual peak until their mid-thirties and sometimes older. Therefore, they are perfectly matched with a younger man who has more sexual vigor. Women today are taking care of themselves and often looking for younger men who can keep up with them.

Calling a woman a Cougar was initially an insult that meant an older woman who stalked and pounced on unsuspecting younger men while hoping for a sexual liaison.  Women called Cougar were thought to be pathetic, lonely old women who preyed on immature young men because no one else would have them.  My, how times have changed!

Now the word “Cougar” has become positive and means more of an attitude than the age of the men you date so you might be a Cougar without even knowing it.  Take the Cougar Quiz below to find out if you are a fun loving, adventurous and confident Cougar!

Cougar Quiz:

1.   Are you mature, independent and savvy?

2.   Are you opinionated, sassy and fun?

3.   Do you have a full fantasy life that you want to share with others?

4.   Are you open to relationships with younger men?

5.   Are you fun and enjoy humor of many different types?

6.   Do you love to travel, explore and learn new things?

7.   Are you getting sexier and more sensual as you age?

8.   Can you assert yourself without worrying what others will think of you?

9.   Are you happy whether in a relationship or not?

10. Do you know what you want and then go after it?

If you answered yes to more than one question then you have a true Cougar “attitude” and you can consider yourself a Cougar. 

Being a Cougar is all in the attitude – attitude of exhilaration about life. They epitomize beauty and strength. A Cougar can be of any age, mothers, sisters, wife, lover and friend. Being a Cougar is about finding balance. Cougars revel in their relationships and are open to spiritual and mental freedom. They are intelligent, confident, and enjoy life; celebrating triumphs and surviving heartache. From all socio-economic backgrounds, Cougars have met life’s challenges head on and proud to be themselves.

The defining qualities of a Cougar woman is confidence, assertiveness, sophistication, independence, intelligence, maturity, inner strength, wisdom and a fun loving attitude.  She doesn’t take no for an answer and often searches for unusual solutions to traditional problems. 

If you have several of these qualities, regardless of your age, then you can be proud and proclaim yourself a Cougar!  Enjoy your Cougar status by enjoying your relationships without guilt or expectations, travel somewhere exotic at the last minute, speak your mind without fear of recriminations and find like minded friends by joining the Cougar pack at Cougar Candy Store!

(c) 2009, Cougar Candy Store.  All rights reserved.  Reprints welcomed so long as article and byline are printed intact and all links made live.

Confidence, in simplest terms, is the ability to behave in one’s natural manner. The definition appears to be a very simple definition. However, when all the aspects of this apparently simple definition are considered it is found to be far more difficult to understand and comprehend. Consider this- we live in a world, in which, advertisements are creating false needs to market things, which very few of us actually need.
Every person desires to look good, have a good physique, or become rich. Ad makers expertly pick these vanity points. Many times people have to confront superiors, who may not exactly be in a cheerful mood, and trying to appear extra polite may rob the person of his or her ability to explain things. These are only two examples to depict the loss of originality. Real life throws numerous situations in which the first instinct of a person is to mould his or her natural behavior. While some amount of this is necessary, anything greater than this can produce inferiority complexes, and in more, intense cases depression.
Personality Development as a tool to develop Self Confidence
A natural corollary, to the aforementioned things, is that in order to develop personality the first step is to stop imitating others. The person needs to focus on his or her positive traits and stop comparison with a friend, neighbor, sibling or a celebrity. It is worthwhile to remember that a person can give his best performance in life only when he behaves in a natural manner. This is simply because he is most comfortable when behaving naturally – he does not need to be told what to do, he will figure it out for himself and this will invariably produce the best results.
Fear and insecurity, which stems from fear, are other hindrances to natural behavior. Once fear is conquered, by doing exactly that which the person is afraid of, the person will automatically develop confidence that he is able to do a certain act.
The person also has to draw personal psychological boundaries and not allow anyone to transgress in them – that is to say that this is his personal space and he will not tolerate anyone’s interference. This may be a bit difficult to start with, but once it is done, it will produce long lasting results. This will also make the person more assertive and therefore naturally more worthy respect.
However, the thing to remember is that the assertiveness has to be based on concrete logic and should not be just for the sake of it. Assertiveness, of the mind, has to be bolstered with that of the body – the body language needs to be confident and the assertiveness inside has to be radiated through it. Finally, it is also important to realize that mistakes are OK. Rather they act as great teachers for the future.

Confidence and Assertiveness are two tools needed to overcome life’s ups and downs.  If you lack confidence you lack the ability to overcome most challenges.  What does it mean to be assertive and confident?  Being assertive and confident is the ability to achieve goals in life.

During job interviews, potential employers look for important qualities in potential employees. Assertiveness and confidence are high on the list. Think about people you admire in the business world – they are often seen as confident and assertive.

Here are the top 5 ways to become assertive and confident:

Visualization. Visualize yourself in situations and circumstances experiencing a positive outcome.  This will give you a better “what if” scenario, and help you be better prepared for any variation.

Practice speaking. If you are a shy person, it is safe to say you dislike the sound of your own voice. If this is the case, practice speaking in front of a mirror or in front of a small audience of family and friends. The more you practice this technique the more confident you will become.

Emphasize the positive. Using positive affirmation is a good way to build confidence.  . By using affirmations to assert your positive characteristics, you can convince yourself that you are brilliant and worthy of great things. After all, sometimes the hardest person to convince is you!

There is a difference between being aggressive and assertive. Aggressive people are often over bearing and pushy.  An assertive person approaches each situation with concern and ideas to improve the situation.

Observe how they do things.

Watch what they say and how they say it

Watch their body language.

Learning to be confident and assertive can allow you to achieve your goals with simplicity, whatever they may be. Practicing these and other technique will put you on the right track to success.

Believe in yourself and your abilities. Keep in mind that some of our best leaders didn’t start out assertive and confident. Try these techniques and you can change the way you do things!

WHAT ASSERTIVENESS IS, BEING ASSERTIVE, ASSERTING TO INFLUENCE.(Based on author’s site www.geocities.com/assertv)

To be assertive is important. How to assert oneself can be learnt. Easy is assertiveness.

Assertiveness is getting what one wants. Assertiveness pays and is easy. To be assertive is to know how to get what one wants. How to assert oneself, be assertive, confuses many. Many interested in assertiveness want to be assertive but can’t assert themselves. Assertiveness is valued. Assertive people succeed. And, anyone can learn assertiveness.

Some attend personal development courses on assertiveness. Most, read books on assertiveness. They want learn assertiveness, how to be assertive. But they get subjected to a psychological analysis of assertiveness. They get confused about assertiveness. Attempts of many at assertiveness backfire. Some are laughed at if they try to be assertive. Being assertive is not an inherent quality. Assertive people were not born so. One can learn how to assert oneself. One can learn assertiveness. To be assertive is not difficult.

Assertiveness in business, asserting oneself privately, is getting what one wants. That is asserting, being assertive. This explains what assertiveness is and how to be assertive.

Assertiveness is the knowledge of advantageously agreeing or disagreeing with another, motivating and acceptably influencing in one’s favour. Those who are not assertive can be exploited. Assertive people often can not be. Being assertive is asking for something from another, in a specific and clear way, directly, and getting it. Being assertive is, simply, that. Assertiveness is noting more.

Asserting is communicating well. Assertiveness, being assertive, is about how one communicates. Many are hopeless in asserting themselves. People usually use two ways, or fret between them, which are not asserting. Asserting oneself, the way of the assertive, is different.

Few are people who are assertive. Many are not even simply aggressive or passive, but in a limbo. To be assertive one need not be aggressive or passive, but simply know how to be assertive.

If one is not assertive, whether aggressive or passive, one has no, or hardly any, control over how one’s treatment in relationships. An unassertive person is in a no-win situation: if one is aggressive, one does not get co-operation, tries being passive; if one is passive, one faces exploitation, tries being aggressive; when one fails in asserting oneself, one gets considered a bully or meek. One becomes a pushover or disagreeable, people become uncooperative, one gets treated so always, feels frustrated and inadequate. Not so, if one learns assertiveness, to be advantageously agreeable, assertive.

Assertiveness begins with an important but simple realisation. Anyone can be assertive. Anyone can be assertive.

One needs only to ponder on this, to be assertive: We are passive or aggressive indirectly or directly. If we are not assertive, we sit at the desk to write something, silently suffering the loud noise of the television the kid/s are watching while we are trying to concentrate; or we visibly and exaggeratedly scratch our head, hoping the kid/s will notice and lower the sound, or we visibly and exaggeratedly bang the pen on the desk and loudly exclaim ‘Oh, this is difficult!’ hoping the message will get through; or we yell ‘Hey, turn that off!’ That is innocence of assertiveness, not knowing how to be assertive. You aren’t saying clearly and directly, reasonably, what you want.

Say what you want clearly and directly, and reasonably. On assertiveness one can be one’s own teacher and experiment; say, instead: “Turn the sound down a little, please -I have some work to do and I need to concentrate…” People will be more co-operative than one would expect, one will get what one wants. That is being assertive.

Assertiveness, the realisation needed for assertion, to be assertive is simple. One’s being ignored, or resented, is to do with assertion: People have neither the time, nor necessarily the interest, to guess what one wants; they ignore the passive and also the aggressive.

Assertiveness is communicating advantageously. Asserting oneself is knowing how to be considerately polite, direct, specific and clear.

It is psychological: people love to be considered worthy to be asked if it is something social, like to be avoided waste of time if it something formal. Knowing and doing so is assertiveness -that is being assertive.

If you want to be assertive and get what you want, try that -that is all there is to assertiveness.The author has a website at: www.geocities.com/eoa_uk