Assertiveness

Knowing how to be assertive in the workplace is a great advantage for you. After all, the big bosses won’t care about your attendance record or how well you make coffee. They’re more interested in, and are more likely to remember, employees who are determined and carry out their own ideas. It doesn’t matter whether you’re at work or at a doughnut shop. Learning how to be assertive is the first step to achieving your bigger goals and ambitions. It’s your ticket to success. However, there are a few key points you must remember and practice before you set out to take that step. Being Assertive Is Not Being Aggressive.Many people make the mistake of thinking these two concepts are the same. You know better than that. Being aggressive can backfire on you big time. Your co-workers, and even your employers, might feel intimidated or turned off by your aggressiveness. You don’t want to scare them away, do you? Be subtle. If you have an idea, pitch it in a “soft” way. But don’t overwhelm the whole office with it. Assertiveness Rests on Self-Confidence.You won’t ever get past the first step if you don’t even have self-confidence. Learning how to be assertive includes improving all your other skills. Try talking to yourself in front of the mirror. If you can’t even do that, then how do you expect to convince your boss of your credibility? You might even have to work on your stance and observe your body language. Practicing how to be assertive in the workplace gives you many benefits that extend beyond your 9-5 timetable. You can also use the skills you have honed when trying to socialize with other people. Just remember that moderation is key, and that you are capable of becoming a self-confident and assertive person.

Many people will tell you that what bothers them most during conversations is not the topic, but the attitude of the person they have conversed with. This predicament ends up to be the reason why friendships become superficial. As a result, one of you becomes either pushy or lifeless. Proper assertive behavior and body language, aside from possessing assertive communication skills, are therefore necessary in developing happy relationships.
Winning Friends
The right attitude to be able to win friends is to be more assertive. Being assertive is actually just your ability to stand up for yourself, tackle issues face to face, state your own personal views, and defend others when they are being taken advantage of. Contrary to what you may think, being assertive is very much different from being bossy and overbearing.
Getting Promoted
Assertiveness is actually a good thing. Without it, you inevitably hold back in your career and your personal life. If you are usually compared to another one of your co-workers because the two of you have similar levels of experience and skills, then it is more likely that the more assertive one is rewarded with the promotion.
It is natural that some people are more assertive than others; whether you are part of the former or the latter, it does not matter. What matters is that you get to learn assertive behavior, which ensures you are in the path for new opportunities.
For you to be assertive, you have to keep in mind the effects of positive body language. It is not difficult, actually. You just need to show the person you are talking to that you are attentive and that you truly care about whatever topic it is that you are discussing.
Eye-to-eye Contact
When in a conversation, you have to do everything you can to maintain eye-to-eye contact. It is believed that your eyes are the windows to your soul. Therefore, for you to be able to achieve a heartfelt and productive conversation, you have to show the other party your undivided attention.
You must not, under any circumstances, look around while the other person is talking. You have to always make sure that the person you’re talking to sees that you are truly participating in your conversation by listening intently, while maintaining eye-to-eye contact.
Leaning Forward
For you to be able to further express that you are, in fact, approaching your conversation with respect and attention, you may lean forward. Leaning forward is a gesture that shows that you want to hear more and would want the other party to expound on what he or she has just said.
Of course, leaning backward is the opposite. It proves that you are only engaging yourself in the conversation because you have to, and not because you truly care about what is bothering the other party.
You have to prevent yourself from being pushy in your newfound relationship. You must not force your opinions and beliefs on the other party if he or she radically believes otherwise. Just let things be, accept them as how they are.
Just be assertive. Taking the initiative of beginning a conversation, or in stating your views without pushing them to the other party, is the right way for a productive and effective conversation. Do not worry about giving the other party an image that you are overly confident; for being assertive is not only about being confident, it is also about understanding other people and the empathy that you give them.
Indeed, it has been observed and proven that body language has a huge part when it comes to being assertive. Body language shows the other party that you are attentive to what he or she is saying. It is not all about looking good and speaking for yourself. It is also about making other people more comfortable when they talk and express their personal thoughts with you.

“I can’t say ‘no.’ That’s my problem for years. I‘m now 68 years old and I still try to please everyone except myself. I feel guilty if I say ‘no.’ I should have seen a psychiatrist earlier in my life.”

Honestly, I feel bad for her. She says “yes” to everyone except to herself. She’s too busy pleasing everyone and has suffered from it. Because she can’t say “no,” people have taken advantage of her. Since she can’t decide for herself, someone has to decide for her.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is saying what you want in a polite way, without hurting anyone. To get a clear understanding of what it is, I’ll also tell you what it is not. Asserting oneself is not being passive or being aggressive.

On one hand, being passive is a state of inaction and indecision, letting others run one’s life despite hurt feelings. A typical example is a person who can’t say “no” to the demands of her in-laws. On the other hand, being aggressive is an offensive action where one hurts the feelings of others. Through force, fear, confrontation, and intimidation, this individual imposes himself or herself on others.

Being passive and aggressive is counterproductive. It destroys rather than build. It saps all positive energies. Being assertive is the best approach to life’s tricky issues.

What are the five ways to assert yourself?

Know where you stand

Before you can effectively assert yourself, know where you stand.

Ask these questions before you say “yes” or “no” to people’s demands. What do you like? What makes you feel comfortable? What pleases you? What’s your priority? What would you like to happen? What will make you happy?

In other words, know who you are and what you stand for. A “yes” or “no” answer is not as simple as what we think it is. Your “yes” or “no” can be a life-changing event. So take it seriously and make sure that your response should come from the heart.

Create a pleasant atmosphere

Before saying anything, try to establish rapport. Talk about positive things as much as possible. Share common interests, hobbies, and recreational activities. Talk about children, family, movies, or even love life. Say something good about the person. No doubt, such simple gesture can melt one’s heart.

Even the weather or traffic can be a good connecting point. Use any topic the other person can relate to.

In short, create the desired atmosphere before you say the right things. Anything you say can thrive if you make others happy. Make the situation pleasant and conducive for change to occur. Make it easy for others to accept your suggestions or decisions.

Say what you want

After establishing a conducive atmosphere, say what you want in a clear, firm voice. Don’t stammer and appear unsure. Show an aura of confidence. Be true to yourself.

Begin your statement with “I” followed by active verbs such as choose, prefer, think, decide, like, or request and then followed by what you want. For example, a friend invites you to a party, you can say, “I’d prefer to stay home. Thanks anyway.” Never say “you” if you don’t want to put the person on a defensive.

Be firm with your decision

After saying what you want, be firm. Stick with your decision. Don’t be swayed by sharp arguments, subtle bribery, deceiving charisma, sweet promises, or warm friendship.

Let them hear your voice. Let them respect you. Show them that you actually count. By listening and accepting your decision, they can prove to you that you’re just being you.

You are entitled to say “No”

Say what you want without making excuses or justification. And never feel guilty. Remember, you are entitled to say “no.” You deserve to be heard. Your feelings and choices need to be valued.

Your “no” is just as important as your “yes.” Don’t let anyone take this privilege away from you. This is your birthright. Your yeses and nos simply represent your uniqueness. By saying exactly what you feel and want, you are showing who you are.