Assertiveness

Persuasion is easier to apply during a conversation between two people, as opposed to communicating in front of a group. This is because in a person-to-person setting, the opportunity to better understand the point of view of the other party exists. You can nitpick and delve into every single detail, as opposed to speaking to an audience, where the interaction is usually one sided.
In this kind of setting, it is possible for you and the other person to reach a compromise that would bring the best probable value for both of you. You may even want to change your stance while you’re at it. In short, person-to-person conversations are so open and flexible that it allows not just you to change course, but also allow you to alter another person’s mindset.
How do you get the most out of person-to-person interactions?
Have Patience
Persuasion may not happen on your first try – or even the second, the third, or the fourth. There are times that a certain idea has to be pondered on and assessed more deeply and critically, that to be too aggressive in getting acceptance might only ruin chances of a good deal. We’ve been through this situation before. How many times have we been told, “If you try to push me one more time, I will have to turn you down”?
Effective persuasion requires skill, not annoying pushiness. If you are sensitive enough to know the symptoms of agreement or submission, you will be able to steer the conversation to a point where you have the opportunity to persuade. If the other party doesn’t seem to be leaning toward your idea and his or her body language shows it, then you should know better to try at another time instead.
Stop Yourself From Rebutting Too Much
One of the greatest mistakes of persuasiveness is your penchant to answer back and rebut. We often try to pretend to listen to another person’s idea, which we do not really agree to, when in fact, what we are doing is preparing for a rebuttal to his or her statements. No matter how discreet you try to be at this, the other party will eventually notice that you are zoned out and will do the same to you when it’s your turn to give your ideas.
What ensues is a discussion that has two levels: one that is verbal and obvious, and one that is based on underlying meanings and subliminal banter. You may be able to prove your point and so will the other person, but nobody really wins.
Nobody can successfully persuade if the conversation is just based on a subliminal battle. When you’re trying to sell something, this will be your deal killer. In a friendship, this is what will burn bridges. This habit is very undesirable. Try to stop yourself every time you feel inclined to do so.
To effectively persuade another person, you have to truly believe in what you are saying. Intellectual honesty and genuine concern for other people will give you that persuasive edge. If you don’t feel passionate enough, the other party will notice it and will not be convinced. It’s not likely that you will be able to successfully sell an idea you have feel no passion about.
In addition, you can’t be effective at persuasion if you are not open to being persuaded also. Remember, you’re not the only one who is trying to get your point heard. In a person-to-person setting, the other party is also seeking to win you over to his or her side.
In order to persuade, you must be sincere. Aside from that, you also need to effectively communicate your emotions and thoughts. You can do this not just by saying the right things, but also by employing the proper assertive behavior and body language. Thus, if you want to improve your persuasion skills, don’t be a drag. Be open-minded and show it.

Being assertive is good. It allows you to get your point across in a way that
is better remembered by the other party because of the intensity of the
emotion that is associated with it. However, assertiveness can also be a
pitfall when overdone. While it can seal deals, it also has the power to
destroy relationships and potential business opportunities. How, then, can
you assert yourself without being too pushy or annoying?
Here are some tips you might want to keep in mind the next time you try to
calmly convince someone to see your side of the story.
Don’t Bulldoze Your Listener
What is bulldozing? In sales, it is referred to as the act of drowning the
prospective clients in figures and facts in order to confuse them to eventual
submission. Keep in mind that the only way the other party will accept your
idea is when they have decided that they want it. People who have given in
to your bulldozing will do so only at first, but will eventually try to get out of
the situation, be it after a few minutes or after a few days. You must be able
to know how to read body language in order to decipher if a certain action is
appropriate for the situation.
Nevertheless, if you want to be an effective and truly successful persuader,
you want others to willingly agree with you, not because you almost forced
them unwillingly to do something or left them with no other choice. If you
are at a debate, this is fine. You are trained to tear the other person’s
statements apart. However, in a normal conversation, this is a major blunder.
“A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still,” as the saying
goes. This means that while you may have succeeded in getting others
person to give their agreement forcibly, they will still maintain their original
ideas. If you try to make them cooperate with you thereafter, expect that it
is going to be difficult.
What should you do then? Try to make your idea attractive to the other
party so that they would be more willing to submit to it. You can do so by
first acknowledging the merits of their points and then outlining your merits.
Do not make a comparison that is based on just the negative aspects. You
will appear to be discrediting the other person; this is not good.
Be Patient And Try To Avoid Clashes
The professional persuader is never overeager; he always moves steadily
and carefully towards his goal, and avoids getting into situations that would
result in idea collisions. He is sensitive enough to watch out for emotional or
psychological taboos and avoids them at all costs.
How can you do this? First, do not take sides. Try to be open to all ideas that
are placed on the table and consider each one’s merits meticulously before
you move on to pursuing your selection. Actually, you don’t really need to
focus on one concept alone. When you study everything that’s suggested,
you will find that you can make appropriate changes and combine all their
positive aspects to arrive at something that is agreeable to everyone
involved.
The key to being effectively assertive is to keep an open mind. If you simply
stick to what is in your head and work endlessly at seeing it through in
100% state to the end, do not expect to enjoy the ride. You will lose
friendships, you will lose confidence, and you will lose the drive, eventually.
Assertiveness is good when used the right way, which is the professional and
balanced way. If you try to use your assertive skills to force people to your
side, there is no way you will truly succeed.

WHAT ASSERTIVENESS IS, BEING ASSERTIVE, ASSERTING TO INFLUENCE.(Based on author’s site www.geocities.com/assertv)

To be assertive is important. How to assert oneself can be learnt. Easy is assertiveness.

Assertiveness is getting what one wants. Assertiveness pays and is easy. To be assertive is to know how to get what one wants. How to assert oneself, be assertive, confuses many. Many interested in assertiveness want to be assertive but can’t assert themselves. Assertiveness is valued. Assertive people succeed. And, anyone can learn assertiveness.

Some attend personal development courses on assertiveness. Most, read books on assertiveness. They want learn assertiveness, how to be assertive. But they get subjected to a psychological analysis of assertiveness. They get confused about assertiveness. Attempts of many at assertiveness backfire. Some are laughed at if they try to be assertive. Being assertive is not an inherent quality. Assertive people were not born so. One can learn how to assert oneself. One can learn assertiveness. To be assertive is not difficult.

Assertiveness in business, asserting oneself privately, is getting what one wants. That is asserting, being assertive. This explains what assertiveness is and how to be assertive.

Assertiveness is the knowledge of advantageously agreeing or disagreeing with another, motivating and acceptably influencing in one’s favour. Those who are not assertive can be exploited. Assertive people often can not be. Being assertive is asking for something from another, in a specific and clear way, directly, and getting it. Being assertive is, simply, that. Assertiveness is noting more.

Asserting is communicating well. Assertiveness, being assertive, is about how one communicates. Many are hopeless in asserting themselves. People usually use two ways, or fret between them, which are not asserting. Asserting oneself, the way of the assertive, is different.

Few are people who are assertive. Many are not even simply aggressive or passive, but in a limbo. To be assertive one need not be aggressive or passive, but simply know how to be assertive.

If one is not assertive, whether aggressive or passive, one has no, or hardly any, control over how one’s treatment in relationships. An unassertive person is in a no-win situation: if one is aggressive, one does not get co-operation, tries being passive; if one is passive, one faces exploitation, tries being aggressive; when one fails in asserting oneself, one gets considered a bully or meek. One becomes a pushover or disagreeable, people become uncooperative, one gets treated so always, feels frustrated and inadequate. Not so, if one learns assertiveness, to be advantageously agreeable, assertive.

Assertiveness begins with an important but simple realisation. Anyone can be assertive. Anyone can be assertive.

One needs only to ponder on this, to be assertive: We are passive or aggressive indirectly or directly. If we are not assertive, we sit at the desk to write something, silently suffering the loud noise of the television the kid/s are watching while we are trying to concentrate; or we visibly and exaggeratedly scratch our head, hoping the kid/s will notice and lower the sound, or we visibly and exaggeratedly bang the pen on the desk and loudly exclaim ‘Oh, this is difficult!’ hoping the message will get through; or we yell ‘Hey, turn that off!’ That is innocence of assertiveness, not knowing how to be assertive. You aren’t saying clearly and directly, reasonably, what you want.

Say what you want clearly and directly, and reasonably. On assertiveness one can be one’s own teacher and experiment; say, instead: “Turn the sound down a little, please -I have some work to do and I need to concentrate…” People will be more co-operative than one would expect, one will get what one wants. That is being assertive.

Assertiveness, the realisation needed for assertion, to be assertive is simple. One’s being ignored, or resented, is to do with assertion: People have neither the time, nor necessarily the interest, to guess what one wants; they ignore the passive and also the aggressive.

Assertiveness is communicating advantageously. Asserting oneself is knowing how to be considerately polite, direct, specific and clear.

It is psychological: people love to be considered worthy to be asked if it is something social, like to be avoided waste of time if it something formal. Knowing and doing so is assertiveness -that is being assertive.

If you want to be assertive and get what you want, try that -that is all there is to assertiveness.The author has a website at: www.geocities.com/eoa_uk